You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
