Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize