I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
