So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
This toilet bowl is my home.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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