I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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