i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
