I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
