She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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