I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
