Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
