cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
