girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
