I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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