Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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