Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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