I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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