They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
