is your mom at the bar?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There r osticjed everywhere
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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