apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
