WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
