he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
