If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize