soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
