So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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