I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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