I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
