he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
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