The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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