I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
