I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize