Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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