I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
What a dumb baby whore.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
