no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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