I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
