Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
