um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
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