The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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