Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
