you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
