I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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