Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
