Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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