Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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