We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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