it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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