I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
