His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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