we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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