I look better un-naked...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
that may or may not have been my penis.
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