Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
