I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
