you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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