Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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