i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
