really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
