I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
