Your face is a jimmy john
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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