you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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