wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
this just has baby written all over it
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize