Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
wow bdsm is so cute
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
