i would punch a child for taco bell
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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