i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think your dad took our porno
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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