New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
