My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
