im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
