I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
