Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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