it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
