I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
