nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
This is classic penis vs brain.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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